Log in

No account? Create an account
23 August 2009 @ 07:11 pm
AUTHOR: doppelgangerqaf
BETAED BY: girloftheburbs, second reading positive_pat; buzziecat.
BANNER BY: ohfreckle
ICON BY: zaipixie.
TIMELINE: This chapter-- about 9 years Post-513.
WORD COUNT: 2764 words.
WARNING: R, major characters death; angst. Be advised that this is a REINCARNATION fic; B/J will have a happy ending of course.
DISCLAIMER: Brian/Justin and QAF are not my property.
SYNOPSIS: Brian and Justin traveled into the stormy night never knowing the road ahead of them. A tragic accident took their lives. A promise was made before their last breath were taken. Over 60 years had passed, will the soul mates find each other? And if they did, would they remember the promise that was made that night of tragedy. Their destiny is about to prove that their love has no boundaries...
A/N: I thought, it's now or never. I have-- I WANT-- to finish this fic eventually. And my muse for this story appeared today... I am re-posting chapter one. You will find that there are a lot of minor changes, if you've read this chapter before. The chapters I have up in MIDNIGHT WHISPERS is being changed as well. I hope you guys are still interested in this story...

I am adding this chapter to my table in fanfic100, Prompt #45: Moon.

Whatever mistakes you see, they are probably mine because I added some stuff after I got it back from my beta. Please feel free to point them out. Thanks buzziecat for the correction :O)

Love is appreciated!


By Doppelganger

"Reincarnation is not an exclusively Hindu or Buddhist concept, but it is part of the history of human origin. It is proof of the mind stream's capacity to retain knowledge of physical and mental activities. It is related to the theory of interdependent origination and to the law of cause and effect."
-The Dalai Lama (from the Preface to "The Case for Reincarnation")

1. The end; the beginning.

“Let’s not confuse the definition of reincarnation based on Buddhism to the Hindu definition of reincarnation--”

“There’s a difference?” Michael cuts Ben off in the middle of his sentence, his nose shrivel in question.

“Yes, Michael,” Ben answers patiently, enthusiasm not leaving his voice.

Quite a few people are gathered around the professor as the simple conversation turned into a lecture. Justin, with Ted and Blake sitting next to him, their arms wrapped around each other, are among the people who joined in the little group formed in Ben and Michael’s living room.

It’s New Year‘s Eve and Michael and Ben are holding a party in their warm and cozy house just outside Liberty Ave. Everybody is there, even Mel and Linz with Gus, who’s twelve and JR who just turned ten.

Most of the people are busy with their own gossips and stories, and Justin doesn’t want to be bothered by them, so he decides to leave Brian with the other group and listen to Ben’s discussion instead.

“Literally, reincarnation is ‘to be made flesh again’,” the professor says, once again capturing the ears of the people surrounding him. A couple make comments like, “that’s full of sh--” but are immediately interrupted by Ben’s words.

“In Hinduism, the soul is immortal but the body is subject to die and rebirth. So reincarnation is coming back to life after dying, but occupying a different body. In Buddhism--”

“And what’s the discussion all about, big dicks? Tight ass?” Brian loudly cuts in, his arms snake around Justin’s chest from the back.

Everybody looks at Brian, including Ben. Some roll their eyes upon hearing what Brian said, others express annoyance. But Zen Ben, as usual, is calm and relaxed. There is no sign of impatience in his eyes, just eagerness to continue with the discussion.

“Reincarnation,” Justin says, looking up at Brian. Brian then lowers his mouth to Justin’s face and gives the blond a wet one on the lips.

“Pretty interesting actually,” finishes Justin after accepting Brian’s kiss.

“I didn’t know you believed in mystical bullshit like that, Sunshine.” Amusement is evident in Brian’s voice.

“Believe it or not, Brian, there are a lot of things out there that cannot be explained. Certain things happen that are out of our control,” Ben replies to Brian, patience remains in his voice. “A lot of people in this modern day, religious or not, accept this concept because of the unexplainable differences that exist among us. Some people are successful with their lives, some remain at the very bottom, no matter how hard they work--“

That is what you call laziness. I don’t think we should believe some mystical crap so that some losers can use it as an excuse to sit on his ass all day and be miserable and poor,” argues Brian.

“People who believe in the entirety of human race with nature wouldn’t agree with you, of course. But reincarnation not only serves as an explanation to our differences. A lot of philosophers and teachers also believe that a person’s soul comes back to be reborn in a different body to complete a task he wasn’t able to fulfill in his past life,” Ben continues.

“Well, if there is such thing as reincarnation, I should be happy,” Brian replies with a mischievous smile, “more time fucking hot guys for me.”
Everybody once again roll their eyes. Justin winces but has to smile. Brian’s straightforwardness never bothers him. Justin knows who Brian is and he loves him inside and out.

“Ready to go, Sunshine?” Brian asks as he drags Justin away from the group. Ben happily and thankfully continues with his mini-lecture. Michael quietly follows the couple.

“Sure,” Justin nods, “Let me say goodbye to everybody, then we‘ll go.”
Brian nods. Justin walks towards his mother.

“I guess nothing‘s gonna stop you guys from leaving this early,” Michael stands next to Brian as the latter watches Justin.

“The way your party’s going, I’m gonna be asleep before midnight,” Brian suppresses a grin and does not look at Michael.

“Right,” Michael rolls his eyes, “Forgive me if our parties are more family oriented than your orgies and swingers parties-- anyways,” Michael frowns, “You guys should stay and watch the ball drop with the whole family.”

“I’m only interested in a different type of ball tonight, Mikey” Brian grins widely, this time he turns to his best friend who smiles as he shakes his head.

“Besides, I don’t think that my type of New Year’s celebration would be listening to you and the professor go at it, or worse, listening to his discussion about his mystical nonsense,” adds Brian.

“Asshole!” Michael blurts out but a wide smile is plaster on his lips.
Brian chuckles.

“Well, there‘s a storm coming. Be careful, alright?”

“I‘m always careful.”

Michael once again rolls his eyes, “You know what I mean. Drive slowly.”

Brian doesn’t reply; he focuses on Justin who stands not that far from them. Justin speaks to his mother; he turns his head towards Brian; their eyes meet.

“It’s finally finished, huh?” Michael speaks.

Brian just shrugs his shoulders. “It had to be sooner or later. He spends more time in that room than any room in the house. He can’t work in the dark so--”

Michael understands Brian so well. He knows Brian is not very good at expressing his feelings through words. He knows Brian meant to say ‘I can’t let him work in the dark’ and ‘I’m glad to see he is happy spending time in the manor.’ But Michael understands. He always has.

“A week then,” says Michael.

“You’ll survive without me for a week, Mikey,” Brian once again then looks at his best friend. “It’s me that I’m worried about.”

Michael grins, “It’s just a week.”

Brian cocks an eyebrow.

“I love you,” Michael kisses Brian on the lips.

Brian places his leather glove-covered hand on Michael’s cheek and replies, “You too. Always have, always will.”

Michael frowns and gets alarmed for a second, but dismisses the thoughts and feelings he thinks are nonsense. Brian turns around and walks towards Justin.


The exchange of goodbye is quick although Debbie makes a fuss about the two leaving when there’s a winter storm coming. Brian replies, “It hasn’t started yet, Deb.”

Before walking out the door, Brian doesn’t forget to say goodbye to Gus who’s almost as tall as he is at almost 13 years old.

“I’ll see you before the school starts, Sonny Boy,” Brian reaches out a hand to his son.

Gus mirroring his father’s image, smiles widely, takes his father’s arm and gives his old man a light hug before replying, “Yeah, Dad, will see ya.”

And the couple journey into the white and grey skies…


Brian drives the Corvette towards their house in the suburban part of Pittsburgh, where he and Justin are going to spend New Year’s week, much to the chagrin of their friends and family. There’s a snow storm warning in the tri-state area but Brian and Justin insisted that they are going to be okay. Besides, the storm hadn’t really started yet, is their argument. The drive starts smoothly. They are quietly enjoying the ride to the countryside.

“Do you think we’d be together, I mean in the next life. If we are ever reborn, that is?” Justin asks Brian after a long silence.

“Sunshine, you’re still thinking about all the crap the professor had to say?” Brian looks at Justin sideways, one eyebrow raise. Justin had been quiet most of the trip. Brian thought Justin is just tired. He didn’t think the blond was still thinking about the discussion back in Ben and Michael‘s house.

“I’m just curious, that’s all. What if it’s true? I mean, what if after this life, there’s really no heaven and hell. That our souls stay waiting to be reborn again? Do you think we’d still be us? That we’d be together?” Brian could tell that Justin is more than curious about the subject; Justin is fascinated by it. Brian doesn’t really care about it and he doesn’t know what to tell Justin.

“Who else are you going to be? You can only be who you are and nothing else. Just a different body,” he tells Justin after a minute of contemplation.

“When we die--”

“Justin,” there’s a warning in Brian’s voice.

“Brian, when we die, promise you’ll look for me in our next lives,” Justin continues with a smile on his face. His blue eyes tease Brian. Justin knows Brian hates romantic stuff like this. But he wants Brian to promise, even if it’s just a playful promise.

“Justin, I’m not about to play this fucking game.” Brian tells Justin, looking at the blond sideways then back to the road.

“Just promise,” Justin continues.

Brian once again looks at Justin sideways. He sees determination on his partner’s handsome face. Quickly, Brian looks at the road again for a second but he couldn’t see where he’s going. Then he looks back at Justin. Brian shakes his head.

“Brian?” Justin reaches for Brian’s face.

Brian finally gives in, “I promise.”

As soon as Brian says the words, he drives onto a thick pile of snow, making him lose control of the ‘vette. The sports car swerve to the left and then right then a sharp left and hit a guardrail. The Corvette flips three times as it goes down the hill, then darkness…


“Justin,” is the first thing that comes out of Brian’s mouth as soon as he regains consciousness. He looks over to the passenger’s seat and sees Justin’s head, only it isn’t blond; it isn’t shiny anymore like the summer days they’ve spent together for so many years.

Justin’s head is bloody red.

The windshield and the window right next to Justin are smashed and also covered in blood. Brian remembers the day Justin was hit by a baseball bat on the head.

“Justin, no, no, no!” Brian’s voice is hair-raising, like the howl of a wild dog in the night when the moon was full and haunting. It’s a wail of mourning soul. Brian tries reaching for Justin but he couldn’t move… he couldn’t feel his legs. He tries pulling them so that he could crawl to Justin but his legs are stuck in the crushed metal of the once handsome sports car.

“Justin, wake up!” Tears rolls down Brian’s cheeks when he doesn’t hear any response. Then he sees movement. Justin lifts his blood-drenched head. There’s a smile on Justin’s lips.

“Brian, I’m okay…” Justin’s voice is calm; no sign of fear or worry. But Brian couldn’t see Sunshine; Justin’s eyes no longer blue but black.
Brian’s chest tightens; He can’t die right now, he can’t. He has to get someone to care for Justin….he needs someone…immediately.

“Brian,” Justin reaches for him. “It’s okay, we’ll be alright.”

“Justin, stop talking, help is coming soon….”Who is he lying to? He grips Justin’s shoulder.

The storm intensifies by the minute and they are down a steep hill, covered with bushes, trees and snow. The only sign that could be seen they had pass the area-- not saying they made it or not to their destination- are the tire marks on the thick snow on the road and the broken guardrail. But soon the heavy snow that falls from the dark skies will cover the tire tracks and the guardrail will be noticed but no one would think it‘s been hit recently.

No one would be able to find them any time soon.

No one.

Brian doesn’t know how long they’d been down there, unprotected from the coldness and the deadly elements of the snow storm. It’s freezing; he’s whole body is numb and he knows that if they stayed down there, unprotected, for another moment, it will come.

Death hovers over them like a dark rainstorm cloud.

No. Not like this, Brian tells himself. Not like this.

“Brian, I remember…” Justin stumbles with words under his slow breathing.

“What Sunshine?” Brian notices that Justin is not shivering anymore; a terrible sign indicating that Justin‘s body is shutting down.

“The prom night…You came…” Brian closes his eyes, trying to prevent his tears from falling once again, but to no avail. He closes his eyes tightly, as if to also remember that special night. He tightens his grip on Justin’s shoulder.

“We were hot, just like Daphne said,” Justin coughs in the middle of his sentence.

“Justin, you have to conserve your energy,” Brian is very concerned, and frightened of the fact that Justin is slowly fading away.

“And you kissed me in front of everybody….”

Is Justin hallucinating? It is known that traumatizing events as such can make one’s brain create flashbacks of memories. The brain in another word, make the person relive the event, the memory. All the time, Justin has all these memories within him…

This whole time he has them… And it breaks Brian’s heart that Justin is remembering it at this very moment…

“You were ire-” Brian almost couldn’t say it, “you were irresistible.” it seems the memory is just a distant one; it was one of the many he shared with Justin. One of that he treasured more than any other others.

“My Mom told me, too,” this time Justin closes his eyes.

“What about, Sunshine?” Brian’s dry mouth makes it hard for him to swallow.

“You were there, at the hospital… every night that I was there,” Brian could barely hear Justin. Justin’s breathing slows down; the shock of the car accident and the looming hypothermia is starting to take toll. Justin’s lips appear colorless; his once warm body now turns to ice.

“Justin, Justin, no, not right now. Not right now,” Brian wants to scream.

“It was love to me,” Justin whispers; eyes closing.


Brian feels helpless and hopeless. But he is not about to give up. The powerful desire to hold Justin in his arms gives him courage to do what he is about to do.

Brian forces his legs to budge; he’s body is numb from being out in the cold. He shouldn’t feel pain, he thinks. He wiggles his legs; a task he finds out very hard to perform as he also shivers uncontrollably. When he is able to move an inch, he pulls his right leg, twists it every way he could until he is screaming. Stinging pain. Intense pain of frozen flesh ripping, scraping the metal of his car. He feels something warm gush from his damaged leg. He reaches down and feels for his leg then he brings his hand to his face. Blood. He swallows. His right leg is free, that’s all that matters. He starts pulling his left leg next.

Once he’s completely free, he immediately moves closer to Justin and holds Justin’s fragile body tighter, closer to his. It‘s as if he’s trying to give Justin whatever life that is left within his own body.

“Brian, just let go… we’ll be fine,” Justin says in a whisper; there’s a slight shiver in Justin’s voice. “Always remember I love you more than anything in my life…” and with his last words, Justin takes his last breath.

“No, no, no Justin! JUSTIN!” No, this can’t be. It can’t be.
Brian holds Justin s lifeless body closer to him like he’d never held Justin before. He takes in the last words Justin had said to him.
Promise…Promise you’d look for me in our next lives…

Look for me, Brian…

Look for me…


He rocks back and forth, back and forth with Justin on his chest as he weeps.

He’s completely numb.

Completely numb and lost. Now that Justin is gone, there’s no more reason to go on.

He never thought he’d feel this way--- doesn’t think such pain existed.

He can’t no longer…

He looks at Justin’s serene and peaceful face. It is time to let go.

It’s coming. And yes, it would be like this. He remembers the professor’s lecture about reincarnation. He laughs.

Laughs uncontrollably, crazed and pained; he doesn’t feel the shivers anymore.

His consciousness, nothing but emptiness…

Then he starts talking to the lifeless body in his arms.

“I will look for you, you hear me? I will look for you and I will find you, Sunshine… I will find you and we‘ll be together…” Brian whispers into Justin’s cold ear. He gives Justin a kiss on the mouth and as he closes his hazel eyes, he says for the last time, “I love you, Justin…”

It was 12 midnight.


Mariongalenut on August 23rd, 2009 11:53 pm (UTC)
this was so sad,very well written,can't wait for part two. thanks
*Dopsdoppelgangerqaf on July 6th, 2010 02:34 am (UTC)
Re: fanfic
Thank you for reading. Enjoy part two. Sorry it took long!
(Deleted comment)
*Dopsdoppelgangerqaf on July 6th, 2010 02:34 am (UTC)
Thanks for reading. Enjoy part two, sorry for the long wait.
camjakefancamjakefan on August 24th, 2009 12:21 am (UTC)
You made me cry. That last part was beautifully sad.
*Dopsdoppelgangerqaf on July 6th, 2010 02:34 am (UTC)
:) Thanks for reading. Sorry for the long wait... I just posted part two.
whatever, whatever: (qaf) justin oh shit!camelhaircoat on August 24th, 2009 12:32 am (UTC)
Woof! Intense. I kept hearing the Pearl Jam song in my head while reading this. Looking forward to the next part and how they'll find each other.

*Hugs Dops*
*Dopsdoppelgangerqaf on July 6th, 2010 02:34 am (UTC)
Thanks Amy! I hope you enjoy part two. Sorry for the long wait!
(no subject) - camelhaircoat on July 6th, 2010 07:58 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - doppelgangerqaf on July 7th, 2010 03:59 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - camelhaircoat on July 13th, 2010 10:33 pm (UTC) (Expand)
luvbrian on August 24th, 2009 12:52 am (UTC)
OMG, I didn't expect both of them to die. That was heartbreaking! But I can't wait to read more - this is very different and interesting!
*Dopsdoppelgangerqaf on July 6th, 2010 02:35 am (UTC)
Enjoy part two. Sorry for the long wait.
lucy1975lucy1975 on August 24th, 2009 12:54 am (UTC)
OMG, I loved it. You had me crying. I can't wait for the next chapter :)
*Dopsdoppelgangerqaf on July 6th, 2010 02:35 am (UTC)
Thanks for reading. Part two is up. Sorry for the long wait.
bombcelbombcel on August 24th, 2009 01:02 am (UTC)
OMG!!! grabe super pinaiyak mo ko. . more please
almecestris on August 28th, 2009 11:05 pm (UTC)
Yay, another pinoy... akala ko ako lang ang in love sa fandom na to.
(no subject) - doppelgangerqaf on September 1st, 2009 02:50 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - doppelgangerqaf on July 6th, 2010 02:36 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - doppelgangerqaf on July 6th, 2010 02:35 am (UTC) (Expand)
Cindytrintiff on August 24th, 2009 01:08 am (UTC)
Why do I punish myself? I read this before and cried my eyes out so this time I thought I'd just skip it until you got to a new chapter; but of course before I knew it, I was reading this chapter and crying my stupid eyes out again! Damn your brilliant writing!

I'm so happy that your muses showed up ... I love this story!

*Dopsdoppelgangerqaf on July 6th, 2010 02:37 am (UTC)
HI CINDY! Thanks for reading chapter one. I just posted chapter two. Have been working on this story and I've decided to finally finish it. So please enjoy chapter two. I hope you're still interested in this story.

jen_knee_suu: Clingsjen_knee_suu on August 24th, 2009 01:16 am (UTC)
Oh please hurry with the next part because now I'm all sad!!! And I got tears and well,....hurry? Pretty pleasE??

ETA - And I also meant to add, amazing chapter. Love your work :)

Edited at 2009-08-24 01:35 am (UTC)
*Dopsdoppelgangerqaf on July 6th, 2010 02:38 am (UTC)
HI THERE! Sorry if I made you wait for like a million years XO) I've been busy and my muse just didn't want to be bothered... But yes I posted chapter two so please enjoy it.
(no subject) - jen_knee_suu on July 6th, 2010 04:05 am (UTC) (Expand)
blonddemonblonddemon on August 24th, 2009 01:18 am (UTC)
This made me cry. Please continue. They have to be together again.
*Dopsdoppelgangerqaf on July 6th, 2010 02:38 am (UTC)
Part two is up. Sorry for the long wait. Thanks for reading!
sexy_pumpkin: 512 BJ kiss lips so closesexy_pumpkin on August 24th, 2009 01:38 am (UTC)
Im crying to, just like you knew I would.

OMG so sad, they died together, in each others arms, Brian pulling himself from the wreckage was heartbreaking, but he always kept his promises to Justin, he'll find him, just so freakin romantic, but it hurt ike hell to read,,Ill be back for more, the last 3 words were perfect,,love u to,,Hugs Jx
*Dopsdoppelgangerqaf on July 6th, 2010 02:39 am (UTC)
JACKIE!!!! Hey there! So sorry if the wait was sooo long. Just didn't have the time to finish this story but I've decided to finally finish it. I just posted chapter two. Please enjoy!


Love and Kisses!
(no subject) - sexy_pumpkin on July 6th, 2010 07:00 am (UTC) (Expand)
my2cats: 207 you're minemy2cats on August 24th, 2009 01:55 am (UTC)
OMG,I have been waiting for you to update this story...

*Dopsdoppelgangerqaf on July 6th, 2010 02:40 am (UTC)
Eeee I posted chapter two. I wonder if you still want to read this story... EEEE! THANKS FOR READING THIS CHAPTER THO!

teatotaller: brokenteatotaller on August 24th, 2009 02:05 am (UTC)
You broke them! Now you have to put it back together again. I'm willing to follow along as long as that's what you're going to do!
*Dopsdoppelgangerqaf on July 6th, 2010 02:40 am (UTC)
Thanks for reading! Chapter two is up. Please enjoy and sorry for the long wait.
anathaismd: not in a positive life afirming wayanathaismd on August 24th, 2009 02:35 am (UTC)
Dops... i'm crying!
I read the synopsis and promised my self that i wouldn't cry but look at me now!

I hope that you keep writing it!

*Dopsdoppelgangerqaf on July 6th, 2010 02:41 am (UTC)
Awww :(

THanks for reading and I'm sorry for making you cry AND making you wait. I posted chapter two. I hope you still want to read this story.
patheticgal on August 24th, 2009 02:56 am (UTC)
No matter how many times i read this ---------- it still makes me cry!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ikaw, pinaiyak mo na naman ako, lalo tuloy ako malungkot!!!!!!!!!!!!
Musta na??????
Alam mo, naniniwala me sa reincarnation? Ikaw???
*Dopsdoppelgangerqaf on July 6th, 2010 02:41 am (UTC)
EEE POST KO CHAPTER TWO. Sana gusto mo pa rin tong story.